Tag Archive | family

The Words…

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's dog dogs wiener german shepard stage 3c young kids family miniature dachshund summer jeep

Last ride of the summer with the boys & my pups…

I’m going to try something new here.  Rather than focus on a premeditated topic, I am just going to write.  Crazy, huh?

You could say writing was an activity I once loved, but this wouldn’t be altogether accurate.  Sure, as a child/teenager/young adult I enjoyed it on a level that seemed foreign to some of my peers.  Was I passionate about it?  Of course.  But it was more than this.  Writing was almost akin to eating or taking a breath for me.  It was something I had to do to survive.

I know I sound like an idiot.  Obviously you can’t live without eating (though God knows I’ve pushed these limits in the past) or taking a breath.  Not writing can’t possibly be as perilous for one’s body as trying to survive without food or oxygen, of course.  But it was my soul that would cling feverishly to this outlet.

What I’m trying to tell you is that writing was something I needed to do.  It was strangely painful to not write.  It was as if the words needed a place to go and if I didn’t let them out, they would build up inside me until I felt emotional pain.  Physical distress.

Writing was my coping mechanism.  My escape.  My salvation.

I needed to write the words that flowed from my mind, my heart, through my once capable young hands.  And, equally, the words needed me to set them free.

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's young Salvador Dali tree museum tampa florida wish young stage 3c IIIc ribbons

The Dali Wish Tree: “This wish tree, streaming with ribbons, carries the wishes of our visitors and community. We invite you to contribute a wish to the tree, and to be part of the cultural tradition that extends back to Hindu and Scottish rites. In all its forms, the wish tree invites and holds our fond hopes.” [Photographed during our lovely visit to The Dali Museum in Florida (with & thanks to jme & bryan), just before we added our wishes, our words, to the tree’s hope-laden branches.]

But somewhere along the way, this relationship changed.  Life changed.  My desire/need (or whatever it was?) to write is not like this anymore {or that’s what I like to tell myself, at least}.  At some point, writing became an obligation, a job, a necessity of another sort.  And the words that once needed to break free from my mind, my soul, were trapped inside.  Bottled up.  Locked away.  Dusty and hidden, but not quite forgotten.

I hadn’t thought about this in ages.  Until just a few minutes ago, that is, when I found myself once again thinking about stopping here to read your kind words and to tackle one of the tens/hundreds of cancer-y topics I have swirling around in my brain, topics that I feel should be addressed in these “pages” because of their importance.

And, once again, I thought about closing my blog tab in an attempt to forget about writing until the next time I’d find myself in front of the computer screen.   Yes, the next time, when I could once again procrastinate and put off tackling the weighty topics I know should be addressed, topics that I will likely continue to attempt to deal with despite the gnawing pain that emanates from the words trapped inside my soul, the words that long to be set free.

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Doing Something a Bit Different This Mother’s Day…

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's fundraising walk fundraiser mother's day support advocacy breast cancer coalition of rochester family

Hello Dear Readers,

Thank you so much for welcoming Morgan so warmly and for encouraging his writing.  He was so pleased to be able to share his thoughts with you — and was even more thrilled to see your “likes” and read your comments.  Definitely a self-esteem booster!  He smiled from ear to ear when he read such kind words from you.  Thank you!!

Well, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before here.  And something that I wasn’t sure I should do — I’ve been going back & forth in my mind all afternoon!  In the end, though, I decided to just post this because it might help an organization and people who I feel are deserving of support…

A very ambiguous way to let you know that the boys & I have decided to use our Mother’s Day to do something a bit different this year.  [Since I have such a bad headache that I’m having trouble forming a coherent thought, I think it would be best if I just pull from something I wrote earlier this afternoon to explain so I don’t make this any more confusing!!]

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I’m a bit late to the party (okay, very late!) — I thought/wished/hoped I’d be visiting my family & new baby niece this weekend in VA (but sadly, we couldn’t go) so I didn’t register for tomorrow’s breast cancer walk until today — but hopefully we can still make a bit of a difference with your help!  Every little bit helps…

My sons & I are celebrating Mother’s Day tomorrow by walking in the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester’s (Mother’s Day) Pink Ribbon Run & Family Fitness Walk to raise funds for an organization that helps women (and men) cope with a breast cancer diagnosis through support groups, educational programs, evening seminars, special events, advocacy, and more.  They strive to ensure that no one feels as though they are facing this awful disease alone.

As you surely know, this is a cause that is very dear to my heart.  Diagnosed with a very aggressive inoperable Stage 3C breast cancer when I had just turned 34 and my twins were in kindergarten, I felt completely overwhelmed and as though the rug had been pulled from beneath me.  

And I’ve heard this sentiment time & time again from women (and men) — young, old, and every age & stage of life in between.  When you hear the words, “You have cancer,” many people feel overwhelmed, scared, etc.  And then they are sent off to make (what may even be life or death) decisions about their treatment & their bodies & a disease they may not know much about…  

The Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester does their best to make sure no one feels alone at any point after their diagnosis — whether they were diagnosed that day or 20 years past.  And they seek to educate patients, survivors and the public about this insidious disease and to advocate for all of us (and future generations) not just locally and statewide, but nationally as well.  They understand the importance of being a voice for change and seek to educate lawmakers & elected officials about this disease and its causes & the devastating toll it can take on women/men & their families.  And they work with citizen and environmental agencies & organizations to increase awareness of environmental hazards related to breast cancer & other public health risks to protect & educate current and future generations.    

Please help the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester continue to provide their vital services, advocacy and support.

Remember, every little bit helps!  There is no amount too small.  Even $1 or $2 can help.  But since the minimum online donation the site can accept is $10, please don’t be discouraged.  If you’d to give a donation under 10 or if you’d like to pay with a check or cash — please send me a quick email to make other arrangements for your donation. [CancerInMyThirties@yahoo.com]  Thank you!  

My boys and I will walk tomorrow to honor all of the women (and men) who’ve ever heard those life-altering words — “You have cancer” — and who are still here with us, and we will walk to remember and pay tribute to all of the loved ones this horrible disease has taken.  If you’d like us to add a name (or names) of someone special to you to our shirts, please send me a quick email by 5 a.m…

Thanks SO very much!

Leisha & family    

If you’d prefer to send a check / or to give cash / if you have questions or if you’d like to contact me, please don’t hesitate to email me:  CancerInMyThirties@yahoo.com   Thank you!

P.S. We couldn’t decide on a photo so if you scroll through you’ll see some photos where the boys (and I) are actually looking at the camera!    🙂

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If you’d like to visit the fundraising page I just set up through the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester’s event:

Leisha’s Family & Friends Group

You can read more, make a donation, etc. there

And if not, no worries!  No pressure at all!  The boys & I are happy to simply participate. Plus the weather should be nice ( and I think some of their/my friends will be walking with us), so “the walk” should be a great way to spend the day and to honor women & mothers along the way…

Wishing you & your families a lovely Mother’s Day…

All my best to you, always… 

*****

Cancer In Many Languages by Morgan (Leisha’s son)

breast cancer 30s thirties 30's stage iiic 3c mastectomy dogs kids family life

This is me with Kevin (our big dog), weenie (our little dog), and puppy (my nanna’s dog) pretending to play xbox with me  🙂

This is Morgan, my mom’s son.  Thank you for your comments and nice messages and likes on my last post.

My mom has been sick with infections for a while and is very tired & not feeling well so i thought i would write another post for her.

This time I thought I would write a post so you could see what the word cancer is in languages around the world.  In English, it is CANCER.  Cancer is “a malignant growth or tumor resulting from the division of abnormal cells.”

“Cancerous tumors are malignant, which means they can spread into, or invade, nearby tissues. In addition, as these tumors grow, some cancer cells can break off and travel to distant places in the body through the blood or the lymph system and form new tumors far from the original tumor.”

This is CANCER in other languages:

KANKER

KANCER

السرطان
ԽԵՑԳԵՏԻՆ

KHETS’ GETIN

XƏRÇƏNG
РАК

RAK

ক্যান্সার
Kyānsāra

RAKA

CÀNCER

KAINSAR

癌症

RAKOVINA

KRÆFT

KANKER

KANSER

KHANSA

 KANCERO
syöpä
καρκίνος
kansè
סרטן
KRABBAMEIN
AILSE
CANCRO
癌
GAN
암
AM
Vėžys
KREFT
سرطان
RAK
câncer
рак
cáncer
โรคมะเร็ง
Rokh marĕng
KANZER
ung thư
CANSER
umdlavuza


 ❤   🙂

There are more lanaguages and more words for cancer but i’m tired and my mom says i have to go to bed! But this should be enough to show you that cancer is such an important and major thing that there’s a word for it in every language. Every part of the world knows about cancer. It’s everywhere! Cancer doesn’t care who you are or where you live or what language you use. It’s a horrible disease!

Thank you for reading my mom’s blog and for supporting her. I know you mean a lot to her. I know she’ll be back and write again when she feels better. Shes been really tired but shes been on a lot of strong antibiotics for 6 or 7 wks now so i hope she’s better enough to write soon.

Thank you! Goodnight! from Morgan

❤     🙂       ❤      🙂      ❤     🙂

Warmth — Weekly Photo Challenge & Thoughts Of You…

 

Radiation, Cancer Center, breast cancer thirties 30s 30's kids twins family dogs morgan william mastectomy Christmas Hanukkah 2014 lymph nodes weekly photo challenge warmth the daily post

 

I can’t believe I’ve allowed so much time to pass — again.  It just happens.  It’s so easy to let this happen.  And yet it is so difficult.  So difficult.

I’m doing it here.  I’m doing it in my life outside of this blog.  I’m doing it everywhere.

Pulling away.  Distancing myself.

And I don’t want to do this.

It just happens.

There is so much to tell you.  So much I should have shared with you about everything that has been going on.  But…

I’m just so tired.  So tired.  So tired of feeling awful.  Of being in pain.  Of being tired.  Of feeling sick.  Of vomiting.  Of everything…

And I realize how terrible that sounds.

I should be grateful to be here.  To be alive.  And I am.  But there is a part of me that feels as though maybe that just isn’t enough anymore.  That maybe quality — and not just quantity — of life is important, too.

Of course this is a complicated topic.  Even my own point of view changes throughout the day and as I lie awake at night often feeling too sick or in too much pain to sleep.  There is no easy answer where all of this cancer and cancer treatment “stuff” is concerned.  On the one hand, I (like so many) have been driven to do everything I can to survive.  But on the other hand, I never really considered how much collateral damage there would be.

Who really does?

For many of us — and for many of our oncologists — the goal really is survival and/or life extension.  Sure, there are consent forms and there’s a bit of discussion about the risks of our treatments, surgeries, etc.  But how many of us fully appreciate what the cost (and I’m not even addressing the financial toll…yet) of these sometimes Herculean efforts will be?

I’d venture to guess that the answer is “not too many.”

There is so much I want to say.  So much I want to tell you.  There are so many topics I’d like to cover here.  Questions I want to answer.  And I know I need to try to do better here.  To be present more.  To give this platform the respect it deserves.

In the New Year I hope to do better.  To tell you more.  Because there is so much to tell.  And to address the questions/issues/etc. that so many of you have written and asked me to address.

I will try…

For now I will say “hello again” and tell you that I’ve missed you and that I hope you are doing okay and that you had a nice holiday.  And I will thank you for continuing to stand by me, to check in, to care.  And I will tell you that you are appreciated more than you know…

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's kids twins family dogs morgan william mastectomy Christmas Hanukkah 2014 lymph nodes weekly photo challenge warmth the daily post

And for old times’ sake I’ll leave you with our Christmas card and some photos that illustrate The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge topic—  “Warmth.”  — for me.  {If you would like to participate in the challenge, just click on the link above.}  In the Christmas card you’ll see two humans and two pups who warm my heart.

Radiation, Cancer Center, breast cancer thirties 30s 30's kids twins family dogs morgan william mastectomy Christmas Hanukkah 2014 lymph nodes weekly photo challenge warmth the daily post

And in the fleece photos, you’ll see a literal example of warmth.  My boys (and one of their special friends) were asked to do a service project for school.  They chose to volunteer their time at one of my cancer centers, a place that is very dear to my heart.  They helped to prepare fleece ponchos to gift to new patients set to undergo radiation.

I’m not sure who first thought of the idea, but I know these warm ponchos will provide a bit of comfort for patients who will appreciate them, I’m sure.

The Cancer Center’s social worker was kind enough to give the boys a tour of the radiation suite that I once visited daily while I was undergoing that phase of my treatment so they could see where the patients will be wearing the ponchos.

Thank you, friend…  Sending my warmest wishes to you during the holidays and as we head into the New Year…  xxx

 

 

On a Dark and Winding Road

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's illness twins lymph nodes bilateral mastectomy stage 3c boys family stonybrook park life

This is where I have been during my absence.  On a dark and winding road.  It has taken me nowhere good.  It has been fraught with pain and stress and painful, stressful days.  And weighty revelations that come when you feel as though you just can’t handle one more thing — until one more thing comes and you begin to tell yourself that you can’t handle one more one more thing.  But still I walk this thorny path.  Or drag myself along its rough terrain.  And I wonder what choice I have.  Or if it is even a choice at all.

But I am here.  My twin boys are with me.  And though it doesn’t “feel like” summer in our world most days, summer is here.  My favorite time of year.  The little break we have from snow and cold and grey is here.  And it means more time with my growing boys and dogs.  And for that I am grateful.

I am grateful to you, too.  For continuing to “visit” even during my silence.  For continuing to leave messages or send emails.  I feel fortunate to have you.  I hope you know how fortunate…  Thank you…

p.s. My youngest sister (21…well, she turned 22 days after getting off the plane) just returned home from Alaska with her greyhound mix, Gracie.  So that is a good thing, too.  We’ve missed her and hadn’t seen her in a year and a half — and now they are living in my house!  Here’s a photo —

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's illness twins lymph nodes bilateral mastectomy stage 3c boys family stonybrook park life

A fun afternoon with my littlest sister & the boys

Thank you all…  I hope life is being kind to you…

 

 

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: An Unusual POV

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Hello Dear Readers,

Thank you for the comments and notes you’ve left and emailed in the weeks since my last post.  The boys and I are doing okay.  I have much to tell you and hope I will soon have the opportunity to do this…

While longer and more meaty posts are difficult at the moment, I thought I could at least visit you with a Weekly Photo Challenge post.  The latest challenge, An Unusual Point of View, brought to mind a special opportunity the boys and I had to visit a camp for children who have been touched by cancer.

Camp Good Days and Special Times is an amazing organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for children, adults and families whose lives have been touched by cancer and other life challenges through summer camping experiences and year-round events and activities.  Founded over three decades ago by a father whose 8-year-old daughter, Teddi Mervis, was suffering from a malignant brain tumor, the camp was meant to give children who are dealing with cancer — either their own or a parent’s or sibling’s — with a chance to just be kids and forget about this life-threatening disease.

We were fortunate enough to go through a special weekly support program during one phase of my treatment, and then to attend a retreat weekend at the Camp two years ago.

The boys were treated to crafts, an egg hunt, tasty meals, fishing, and other special experiences with me and the four other families who attended.  Like my boys, the other children each had a parent with cancer.  I was one of three moms and a dad with cancer.  My boys were the youngest of the kids, but all of the children seemed grateful to have a weekend with children and families who understood.

It was a wonderful weekend and one I will always be grateful for.  So when I was invited to serve as the speaker for a fancy fundraising event held that summer, I happily accepted and sang the organization’s praises.

I am filled with warm memories as I think back to each of these opportunities and to the amazing people who volunteer their time and talent to make Camp Good Days and Special Times the organization it is.

These photos, taken during the retreat, are of a memory garden in a wooded meditation space at the Camp.  It is a peaceful little place where campers are taken to reflect and to remember those who have been affected by cancer, both living and dead.  We were asked to write our names on a stone and then place it in the garden.  You will see close-ups of a turtle painted on a stone, my stone and one of the boys’ stones, and wider shots of the memory garden.

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Thank you for continuing to hang in there with me.  I hope to return with more than a photo challenge post soon.

Until then… xo

I DO NOT LIKE WASHING MY HANDS!

FROM MY SON, M.  He thought this was important and needed to be shared with my readers:

cancerinmythirties.wordpress.com breast cancer thirties 30's 30s handwashing infections kids twins healthy eating

my mom is always telling me to eat my vegetables and wash my hands.

she said a  million times that ” I have a higher chance of getting cancer because my mom got it when she was so young.”  so I have to make healthy choice’s so I don’t get cancer.  That means I need to eat my vegetables and fruit.  I know I shud.  But I dont like to.  My Mom doesnt want me to get cancer when Im her age.  

AND

my mom makes me wash my hands a lot.  espeshally after i come home from school.  my mom makes me yous soap and hot water.

some times it gets annoying but I no why she she make me do these things.

i have to wash my hands because her white counts are really low.  and she gets infectshuns really easy.  and fevers easy.  she had to be in the hospital a long time for infectshuns.

So I wash my hands because i dont want her to be sick.  and i dont want her to go to the hospital.

i dont like to wash my hands or eat my vegetables but i love my mom!