On a Dark and Winding Road

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's illness twins lymph nodes bilateral mastectomy stage 3c boys family stonybrook park life

This is where I have been during my absence.  On a dark and winding road.  It has taken me nowhere good.  It has been fraught with pain and stress and painful, stressful days.  And weighty revelations that come when you feel as though you just can’t handle one more thing — until one more thing comes and you begin to tell yourself that you can’t handle one more one more thing.  But still I walk this thorny path.  Or drag myself along its rough terrain.  And I wonder what choice I have.  Or if it is even a choice at all.

But I am here.  My twin boys are with me.  And though it doesn’t “feel like” summer in our world most days, summer is here.  My favorite time of year.  The little break we have from snow and cold and grey is here.  And it means more time with my growing boys and dogs.  And for that I am grateful.

I am grateful to you, too.  For continuing to “visit” even during my silence.  For continuing to leave messages or send emails.  I feel fortunate to have you.  I hope you know how fortunate…  Thank you…

p.s. My youngest sister (21…well, she turned 22 days after getting off the plane) just returned home from Alaska with her greyhound mix, Gracie.  So that is a good thing, too.  We’ve missed her and hadn’t seen her in a year and a half — and now they are living in my house!  Here’s a photo —

breast cancer thirties 30s 30's illness twins lymph nodes bilateral mastectomy stage 3c boys family stonybrook park life

A fun afternoon with my littlest sister & the boys

Thank you all…  I hope life is being kind to you…




32 thoughts on “On a Dark and Winding Road

  1. So glad to see your post, altho I sure do wish that things were going better for you. I think of you often, and I’m happy that your sister is there with you now. I hope she is a comfort.


  2. you are an amazing woman. I nominate you the most courageous lady I know. I know many prayers must go out every day for you, otherwise, you couldn’t make it. I know it seems hard to believe that God is with you, but I believe that He is. And since we don’t know the reason why this suffering, He will never leave you. I know you are an inspiration to anyone who reads your blog. who know, we maybe in the same place any day and we hope, we will have your courage and joy. God bless you and your sister and your special little boys. Hugs.


  3. it was so good to hear from you, but I am so very sorry you are having such a painful, difficult time of it. loved the photo – your darling boys and your sister must be a source of great joy and comfort. sending out BIG hope and lots of love to keep you safe.

    Karen xoxo


  4. Dearest L, its so lovely to see your smiling face, your boys and your sister all together. My heart goes out to you, I so wish that you did not have to walk this path, it’s so very undeserved. Know that you are always in my thoughts and I send much love, friendship and strength to you every day. You may not feel it but you are simply amazing xoxox


  5. There is light at the end of the tunnel.. Hang in there, you are stronger than you think.. I am sure your sister will be a great leaning post for you right now.. Enjoy the down time for the rest of the summer..xo


  6. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult and painful time. I think about you and your boys all the time. I am happy you have your sister with you. I hope having her around brings you comfort and help and some happiness and peace.


  7. am a new reader of your blog but just wanted to say how very eloquent and honest you are in your posts. I am sorry you are having a difficult time. I am also sorry that you do not have good support in your marriage, because you sound as if you deserve kindness and support and help.


  8. My heart goes out to you,….pain sucks! I hope your sister can help you with the care of your sons. Are you able to rest when you need to? That is huge. It takes a lot of energy to raise children, and I’m sure it is very disturbing to you when you don’t have the energy to do much of anything. Please do not give up. You must continue to find creative ways to help yourself. You are a hell of a fighter, and a very talented writer. Hold on to your joy any way that you can!!! Love and peace, Cecilia.


  9. I’ve thought of you often and hoped you were doing okay. Like all the rest, I wish you had a different road to travel, but am thankful you have family around you. That picture is wonderful!!
    Thank you for taking the time to post 🙂
    Healing and happy thoughts, Laurie


  10. Hey, beautiful 🙂 You know what? I love that photo. You’re smile is beautiful – even though I have the feeling you’re not too reassured by sitting on that ledge… I’m glad that you’re little sis is there – hello to her from me. Little sisters rock – I just saw my sisters and brother, and it gave me a shot of what I needed to keep going. Family is an indescriptible boost to the soul and to the heart – roll in it, soak it up, because it’s the best remedy ever for rocky times.
    Sending you big squashy MM hugs. keep us in the loop, huh? So happy to have news xxxxx


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