Mistaken for the Bride of Frankenstein

Apr30

***

Image

Photo Credit: frankensteinhalloweencostume.com

You may recall a post I wrote last month about skin cancer and learning that I have been growing said cancer on my forehead: Skin Cancer, Too?  Really?!

Well, despite my attempts to delay the surgery I need to (hopefully) eliminate this cancer, the day of this unpleasant event is now upon me.

In a few short hours I will be headed to the hospital for chemosurgery / Mohs micrographic surgery with our area’s only chemosurgeon.

And I am biting my nails.  They’ve told me that I should plan to be there for anywhere from half the day to the entire day.  They won’t know how long until the surgery is underway and they can see how extensive the cancer is — and what will be required to close the area up.

Apparently I am supposed to be comforted by the fact that my surgeon is excellent at doing reconstruction and skin grafts.  Let me assure you that I am not.  I would rather have not known that he may need to exercise these talents with me.

I don’t know why I am so concerned about this surgery.  I’ve had more than my fair share of surgeries and procedures.  And most of them were far more invasive than what I expect this one to be.  I’ve been cut into so many times that if I lifted my shirt, you might mistake me for the bride of Frankenstein.

So this shouldn’t be a big deal in comparison, right?  (Well, that’s what I’m telling myself at least.)

And it’s for a good cause.  I am actively growing cancer on my head — I can see it growing from week to week — so I should want to get rid of it.

But I am still scared.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bleeder?  And I’m on a blood-thinning regimen.  Just the biopsies required to get this diagnosis were a clear sign that bleeding will be an issue for me.

Maybe it’s because they’ll have a scalpel touching my head and I don’t yet know how deep they’ll have to cut?

Maybe it’s because I’ll be awake and I’d much rather be asleep?

Or maybe it’s just because I am so tired of cancer and side effects and surgeries and procedures and my body is weathered and worn out.  And I just want to feel like a regular thirty-something-year-old with regular thirty-something-year-old problems.

Or maybe it’s just because no one likes surgery — big or small — and I am only human.  (Of course if I lift my shirt, you may think otherwise!)

Image

Photo Credit: mubi.com

26 thoughts on “Mistaken for the Bride of Frankenstein”

  5. I’ll be thinking of you all day, and sending calming vibes. My only advice is to try to mentally remove yourself from thinking about the things that are happening. Visit someplace else in your mind. And breathe. Deep, slow breaths. Maybe recite a mantra over and over ….. ‘may I be peaceful and calm, relaxed and serene. May my physical body support me with strength, and this day unfold with ease.” Over and over. and breathe.

    Like

    Reply

    • Thank you for your calming words. They had towels over my face, so only the surgical area was exposed. That actually helped because I couldn’t see what was going on — I pretended I was on a warm, sunny beach and managed to stay pretty calm. Thank you for your support!

      Like

      Reply

  10. Pingback: Mistaken for the Bride of Frankenstein — Part II | cancerinmythirties

  11. I hope it went well. I can understand wanting to feel normal, I’ve had a lot of surgeries too, I had my bladder removed at 28 years old that was 14 years ago. I have so much frequency, I have to go hours without fluids to be able to leave the house and that buys me at most 15 mins. before I’ll need a washroom.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s