Messed Up

cancerinmythirties.wordpress.com breast cancer death kids children family life loss marriage
You’ve won another argument
because I have given up
I swore I wouldn’t fight back anymore
But I gave in this time
I engaged, I didn’t just let it go
Until I came to my senses, that is
But it was too late
How do you stop a freight train that’s barreling down the tracks?
You are unkind to me
Your words are bitter and seering
You have hurt our children
inside and out
You prefer things to people
but you turn on your charm so no one will see through your facade
And facade it is
It is not real
You are not real
But this is all painfully real
You are selfish
manipulative
indignant
Lies roll off your tongue
like raindrops off rooftops
Yet you will outlive me
You will see our children grow
And hold their children in your arms
And you won’t care
How could the universe have gotten it so wrong?
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24 thoughts on “Messed Up

  1. I feel bad ‘liking’ this because it is sad, and makes me feel bad. But it is beautifully written, and took courage to write. And I like that. Life does seem unfair. You shouldn’t have to go through this.

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  2. Keeping you close in m my thoughts and prayers. Please remember kids are more intuitive and aware than we realize – In the end, facades don’t usually fool them, whether they admit that or not. They know, and remember, what’s real.

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    • Thank you… One has caught on all by himself and doesn’t understand why I put up with such behavior and why I don’t change the lock the front door. He doesn’t understand that there is so much more to it & that it is not so simple — but I’m glad that he doesn’t “get it” entirely.
      Thank you so much for your kind comment. I will think of what you said when I am having a rough time — like today!… 🙂

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  3. I’m sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else. It is not deserved and I identify very strongly with what you’ve said here from my own experience.

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  4. I too am sorry you have had to deal with such thoughtlessness and malice. Life is definately unfair and in my experience only the nicest of people, like you, are subjected to more than they should have to deal with in life. If good wishes are any help, then you have mine.

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    • Yes, I think you are right. I’m so sorry you were raised by one! I think it’s so much worse to be raised by one than to be married to one. I haven’t had much time to read your blog, but yours is the next one I am visiting, so I am looking forward to reading more about your story.
      My father was a very abusive narcissist, but we left in the middle of the night and flew across the country when I was 4 to escape him, so I was fortunate to have gotten away. But then I turned around and married a one (thankfully not nearly as bad as my father). I proved the ‘girls marry their fathers’ adage true, unfortunately! I haven’t gotten away yet, but that it one of my goals/dreams!
      I hope you are doing okay… xo

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